Monday, February 7, 2011
Getting out of bed
Today was a very hard day for me. It took me 4 hours to even be able to function this morning without tears. But I got up and did all the PTO stuff for my son's school and made plans for an engagement party I am throwing this weekend and during this time smiled and laughed with all the people I saw along the way. All I really wanted to do was crawl under a rock. I wish I could fall apart and be weak. I wish I could just cry all my days and not worry about what needs to be done. But I can't! I made dinner, did homework,baths, read books and cleaned up. I don't understand how people can see me and not know that inside I am losing it and screaming. I feel like what I am doing is so fake someone should notice. I wish that I had someone at the end of the day to say "I know it was hard to put that smile on your face today but now it's just me and you can fall apart, it's ok." But I don't get to fall apart and I want more then ever to do so. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY MOM!
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CASSY!!!!!! I love you and I miss you. I really wish I could be that person there for you at the end of the day! This is when living in different city's is so hard! You are doing a great job, but it is ok to just stop for a day and let it all out!
ReplyDeletei know what you're going through. Love you girl. I know you have much closer friends than me, but if you ever need to talk, i am here for you. Your family is in my prayers.
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