My Dreams

So I am sitting here watching American Idol for the first time and I think I have figured out why I don't watch it normally. Jealousy! I never really had a chance to go after my dreams. Well, maybe I just didn't try hard enough to chase after my dreams. I got pregnant and fell in love and just stopped. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband and my kids, but I still wonder what else could be out there for me. I was so young when my life became all about somebody else. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Mikey my whole life became about nothing but him!! And then marriage and two more kids and my life continues to revolve around 4 other people that are not me. Maybe it sounds selfish to say that, but it's true. What I want is always last and unimportant. I don't even get to go to the bathroom myself let alone leave them to go off and chase something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl! LOL I remember when I used to get all dressed up in my room and lock my door, pull out my pretend microphone and just belt it out! I would dance around and sing my butt off like no one was watching. Well of course I would, no one was watching. I used to even pretend I was a guest on a talk show. LOL I would do the whole walk out waving and then sit down and answer fake questions that only I could hear being asked and then laugh like there really was an audience out there enjoying this banter between me and a talk show host.

But that is all over for me now. I am 28 years old and I am living the life I will live forever. Is it a bad life? No way! But it's not everything I always wanted. But in life we don't always all get what we want, do we? Michael loves me more then anything, but he would never put everything on hold or take care of all the things here at home so I could chase my dream. Maybe that is selfish of him or maybe it's just because he knows what I should finally come to terms with- Life is Life, not a dream.